12 December 2010

buddha and self

For years I've been interested in other cultures, specifically Asian countries like Japan, China and even India. Because of that I have also become interested in different religions like Buddhism and Hinduism. I love the imagery of these religions. I'm not a religious person, and I don't follow any faith, but I really love learning about them--the beliefs, the ways of life, the gods and goddesses. Buddhism is actually extremely inspiring to me. Even though I don't follow it, I still like seeing and surrounding myself with images of Buddha. It's calming to me.

A few years ago I was lucky enough to visit NYC, and as short a trip as it was I had a blast. While there I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and was totally psyched to see the South Asian exhibit. Unfortunately I only got to spend a handful of minutes there, but what I saw was really intriguing.
I find myself missing that trip so much that I am constantly looking at the pictures I took there. I think I was a happier person back then, and during the trip to New York I was surrounded by people who had fun with me, and I was able to visit places I didn't think I'd ever visit. I haven't traveled much (in fact, I've never even left the country) and I think that's a big part of why I'm so interested in other cultures.

I've been feeling really strange lately. I've been thinking a lot about how my life has changed within the past year. I went through a really terrible time this time last year, and this spring I had to make a decision that was really hard. I was not happy at the school I was attending, and I didn't think I could take any more of it. I finally quit, but I've been in a deep depression since then. I wasted this summer, I wasted this fall, and soon I go to a new school and I am terrified. I miss being happier, I miss having less responsibility, and I wish I didn't have to decide what to do with my life right now. I wish I could go hide somewhere. I want to experience something new, but I feel like I'm stuck.


  1. I totally know the feeling. I'm starting at a new school in January too and it really is scary. It's like you want a change...but at the same time, it's so terrifying. Fuck, why can't being young be as fun as they make it look in the movies?

    These are absolutely gorgeous photos. If you ever get the chance, you should try to visit the Chuang Yen Monastery in Carmel, New York. One of the most beautiful places I've been to. I bet you'd be able to capture it wonderfully with a camera!

  2. Ah, you explained it perfectly. I want change, but I'm afraid of change. I hope the new school works out for you :)

    Thank you very much!! Looks like a really great place, I will have to add it to my list of places to visit. :) Apparently there's a Buddhist monastery or two around where I live, but I've hardly heard anything about them.

  3. Hahah yep, that's it -exactly-. I hope the same for you!